The Journey into Myself

It has been sometime since I have last posted an article or reflection (December 31st to be exact), but it has never left my thoughts to do so.

For the past months I have been on a personal and spiritual sabbatical, an inward shifting of energy, ideas, understanding and awakening (the whole process).  This one in particular was a bit more intense than ones I have been on in the past, I am not sure if it has anything to do with what was happening astrologically at the close of 2012, but there certainly is a strong possibility. But typically at the beginning of every year I spend the first quarter in retreat.

During the time I spent in deep reflection and meditation, I didn’t honestly feel that posting was something that could be authentic. I guess in simplest terms, I cannot feel honest about sharing any words of wisdom or experiences when I myself am trying to resolve a lesson.

Each new moment brings with it an experience, perspective, reflection, ect. Getting “stuck” can happen pretty easily. I am not referring to that feeling of being stuck in mind, ego or Duhkha. Rather a rhythm, a vibration, or a lesson. It’s when faced with a pattern or vibratory state that you know cannot be surpassed until you fully absorb and understand into knowing, not the why, but its true purpose. In the meantime, day by day goes by and constantly I was confronted with coincidence, synchronicities, and chance encounters. From the small and subtle, to the loud and potentially frightening, each experience brought with it awareness. I slowly began to see connections, patterns, signs and symbols, real life metaphors. I would reflect on each encounter and wonder, but also be in wonder at how it was so relative to what it was I was trying to see.

It really was and is all about the seeing and or the clarity. For example, I recently watched a documentary on the brain where test subjects were asked to count how many times certain individuals in a video passed a ball to one another, this is a semi involved process for the brain. As the individual was counting and paying attention to the ball, a man dressed in a gorilla suit would walk onto the scene in the background, wave, and then walk out. After the counting was through and the subject was discussing their results, the scientist would ask “did you notice the gorilla?” Not surprisingly and to the shock of the person they did not. Going through this life expression and opening up your spirit to evolution is the process of awakening. It’s about being completely invested within a state of awareness at every moment possible…You simply do not want to miss the Gorilla! Will life punish you if you do? No, and that is the beauty of life expression. There is no punishment, experiences will simply keep happening over and over, and sometimes many times in many different ways, until we stop and take notice. History (sometimes referred to as ‘mistakes’) repeats itself until the lesson is learned, sometimes into many lifetimes.

As for myself, I was submersed in a process of awakening, essentially a process of remembering. Going deep into myself and revealing yet another layer to becoming fully realized. This is our natural state of being; it’s simply the process of clearing the smoke, cleaning the glass and peering into oneself to reveal truth. I feel a stronger connection to ‘We’ and the dissolution of ‘I’.

But again, when I find myself going through an intense process like this I did not feel like anything I posted could be something of certainty.

Dec 2012 meant so many different things for so many people, mostly and especially in the spiritual community. As for myself, I had no way of knowing what if anything was going to happen, so I simply just allow. But there is no doubt that a great deal of conscious energy went into believing 2012 was going to lead to something big. Many approached it with fear, others with hope and love, but in the end I do think there was a shift. But I also personally believe that any shift is something that moves gradually.

As above, so below… Spiritually and consciously any shift, as long as it is happening in a way that is natural and healthy, occurs in a gradual way. “Below” we see this reflected in evolution; things evolve over time and subtly. Sometimes it leaps forward which is typically a result of a sudden mutation, but this also will have some form of equally sudden impact. In the mind for example, should it not have been properly prepared, you will usually see psychosis develop such as schizophrenia or bi-polar. The mind cannot process such intense knowing or awareness all at once all of a sudden.

As for myself, awakening is a process I have been going through for a very long time, and sometimes it’s not only overwhelming, but exhausting. Essentially I have come to realize, the more I learn, the more I know nothing at all. I heard a saying once, “The why is a lie, what you feel is real”, and nothing could be truer said. The only way to really know something is to simply stop thinking and just feel. Unless you have experienced that “knowing”, the idea, saying or principle, will simply not make sense or seem logical. As the Tao states, to label something is to immediately loose its essence.

I continue this journey and follow my heart, listen to my spirit(s), and pay very close attention every moment I can hold that attention and awareness. I have my good days and I have my bad days, and I certainly have not mastered the principle of vibration over rhythm (shhh, it’s a secret). But I will be still and know that I am fully realized behind the fog of mind…It’s time to wake up!



By Matthew

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